Hammy: A Loveable, Cookie Loving Gangsta?
by I'm Black and Proud
Summary: COMPLETE! This is what happens when Hammy watches Hip Hop too much. PLEASE REVIEW! FLAMES WELCOME!
1. I WANT MY MOTHAFUCKIN PACKAGE!

**I don't own OTH!!!! You hear that, Dreamworks? I DON'T OWN!!!**

Hammy was just watching TV while RJ and the gang were going to steal some more food from the humans. Hammy was flipping the channel when he all of a sudden saw something that caught his intrest.

TV- HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYY, WHAT'S UP, NIGGAS!!!!!!!

Hammy- What did he just say?

TV- Wanna be a franchise playa? Wanna have bitches and hoes? Want some Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect courtesy of the WWE Champion, John Cena? Then get the Hip-Hop Package!! Only five dollars!! GET IT NOW, NIGGA!! GET IT NOW!!!! Get it, and it'll show you who shot Tupac so you can turn him in. Call 972-NIGGA-I-WANT-MY-MOTHAFUCKIN-PACKAGE!!! That's 972-NIGGA-I-WANT-MY-MOTHAFUCKIN-PACKAGE!!!

Because he wanted MORE respect, Hammy called right away...

RJ and the gang came in with more food. But... They were shocked on what they saw.

RJ- What the f--

Hammy is now pimped out. He's got the sneaks, the bling-bling, and the clothes.

Hammy- What's up, niggas?

**What the hell has gotten into Hammy? Stay Tuned!**

**PS: I AM NOT BASHING HAMMY'S CHARACTER!!!!!!**


	2. Can I go?

**Once again, NO OWN OTH!!!!!**

Everybody was shocked when they saw Hammy.

Ozzy- Ha-Ha-Ham--

Ozzy faints.

RJ- What the hell has gotten into you, Hammy? What happened to the loveable, cookie-loving Hammy I know?

Hammy- He's still here. On the inside.

RJ- I gotta go regroup my brain.

RJ goes to his entertainment area.

Verne- Just what we need. Another guy who's gotten Rap in his mind.

Hammy- So? You like William Shatner when he sings.

Verne- Yes, but William Shatner is so bad at singing, he's good.

Hammy- Man, are you illin'.

Verne- Rappers stopped saying "illin" twelve years ago.

Hammy- I'm keepin' it real.

Verne- They stopped saying "keeping it real" 3 years ago.

Hammy- RJ!! Verne's dissin' me!!!

RJ- "Dissin'"? Do rappers still say that? Jeez, I'm still trying to regroup here!!

Hammy sighs and leaves the area.

Meanwhile, Hammy found some tickets to a Hip-Hop festival in his Hip-Hop Package. He then goes to RJ, who's reading a Sports Illustrated Magazine.

Hammy- Hey RJ, can I go to a Rap concert?

RJ- Eat cookies, instead.

Hammy started a lie.

Hammy- OK, what if I paid for the tickets myself?

RJ- Whatever, go crazy.

Hammy- I love you, RJ.

RJ- And I love you too, Tyra. **(REMEMBER: RJ is reading Sports Illustrated)**

Meanwhile, Hammy is on his way out... Until Verne spots him.

Verne- I can understand the clothes, but a ticket? Are you going to a rap concert?

Hammy- Hell yeah! I'm representin' for me, my homies, and my cookies at the concert called "Murder for Life".

Verne- That's not right. Rap music belongs in the crap bin. It encourages punching, sex, and rudeness to hoes.

Hammy- But RJ already said I could go!

Verne- Oh, did he? RJ, you tell him a Rap concert is no place for a guy like him.

RJ- Hammy, he makes a very strong point.

Hammy- You said I could go if I paid for the ticket!

RJ- Let me explain this situation in a way you would understand. Hit it, Spike!

Spike, one of the porcupine kids, breaks out a beat.

_RJ- You did it on the street with RJ's permission._

_But Verne dropped a bomb, so I'll flip my position._

_Verne- Don't argue with Verne, I know what's best. _

_The only Rap in this crib keeps food fresh._

_Fresh and fresh for our Hammy._

_RJ- Ham-my. Ham-my. Ha-Ha-Ha-Ham-my._

Hammy- AAAAAHHH!!!!

Hammy, who's had enough of their shitty rapping, goes to his area. Meanwhile, he is writing lyrics.

Hammy- RJ, you completely sold me out. Well, it's my ticket. That makes me owner. I'm going. Besides, it's no humans, just animals.

Hammy walks through the hedge, passing a cookie. But he grabs it with his hand.

Hammy- I like the cookie.

**So Hammy goes anyway. What's in store for him? Stay Tuned!**


	3. The Rap Concert

**Me+ Own OTH NO WAY!!!!**

Hammy snuck to the Rap concert.

While at the concert, a Rapper named Big Ba$$ was getting the party started. The joint was jumpin', it was going crazy. Until...

Big Ba$$ accidently dropped his mic. And it rolled into Hammy's hands.

Big Ba$$- Yo, man. Put down my mic unless you know how to use it. This is Old School, not preschool. So don't Dr. Suess it.

The crowd laughed as Hammy got up on the stage. He looked nervous but he took a deep breath...

_Hammy- Don't critique my technique_

_I make the Verminator nervous_

_My cookies can confirm this, I'll kick your nuts up your epidermis_

_You can trace my remorse to its supersize source_

_A bossy, bossy hypocrite name Verne of course_

_My old turtle's pathetic_

_Damn is his shell thick, the shit from his ass is carconogenic_

_And every day I pray his DNA ain't genetic_

The crowd loved Hammy, who made the concert a success. He was so good, Big Ba$$ let him ride in his Mini-Hummer/Limo.

Hammy- Damn, this ride is pimped out.

Big Ba$$- Yo, downstairs I got a wax museum of famous movie humans. Check it out if you wanna get your fright on.

Hammy- You got a cookie machine? A cookie despenser? A cookie SOMETHING?????

Big Ba$$- You sure love cookies, lil' man. I got a cookie buffet right there. With a side of chips.

Hammy- YEEAAAAAAAHHHH BABAAAAAYYYY!!!!!!!!

Hammy ate almost everything.

Hammy- Oh, that was GOOOOOOD.

Meanwhile, another Mini-Hummer/Limo appeared. And inside it was 49 Cent.

Hammy- Oh my goodness, it's 49 Cent!

49 Cent- Yo, Ham. I heard you throw down on stage. Wanna join my world tour?

Hammy- Sorry, dawg. I gotta help get more food. And find my nuts.

49 Cent- You're right. Eating helps you grow. And the more you grow, the further you go. And that's one to remember.

He then turns to his agent.

49 Cent- Does that count as community service?

49's Agent- No.

49 Cent- Alright, lets go to the park. We'll store some more food.

49's Agent- Yes sir!

Hammy and Big Ba$$ pull up by the hedge. Hammy comes out. Then Big Ba$$ hands him a free "Murder for Life" Jersey. And free cookies, which he puts the cookies in his coat pocket.

Big Ba$$- Here you go, you little orange cracker. Now lets go murder our enemies. Thug Life. Peace.

Hammy goes back to the hedge. Little is he knowing something...

**What's gonna happen when Hammy comes back? Stay Tuned!! PLEASE REVIEW!!! FLAMES WELCOME!!!**


	4. Back at the hedge

**No own OTH. Reason for the wait was because I was thinking of an idea for this chapter. Here you go!**

Hammy was on his way back to the hedge. When he heard RJ and Verne talking.

RJ- Hammy's gone! I checked everywhere!

Verne- That little sneak disobeyed us and went to that rap concert.

RJ- If that's true, he's gonna get it ba--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

The blood-curdling scream got Hammy's attention BIG TIME.

Verne- RJ, what happened? I heard you scre--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Hammy- What the?

A gangsta rat is grabbing RJ and Verne by the throat.

RJ- Who...in...the hell...are you?

Gangsta rat- My name is Bo$$ Man. And where is Hammy?

Verne- He's... He's... He's...

Bo$$ Man- WHERE IS HE, NIGGA? WHERE IS HE?????????!!!!!!!!!!

Verne- Please...put us down...and I'll...t-t-tell you.

Bo$$ Man drops RJ and Verne.

Verne- Okay...okay... Well, he's gone.

Bo$$ Man- Gone... WHERE??????!!!!!!

RJ- Shit, we don't fucking know!

Bo$$ Man- Then, if I can't find... and KILL Hammy...

Bo$$ Man points a gun in RJ's face

Bo$$ Man- Then, I'm gonna have to kill MR. BITCHY, HERE!!!

Hammy ran in the hedge.

Hammy (who is really pissed)- STOP!!!!! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!

Bo$$ Man- Every fuckin' tiime I'm about to kill a replacement, the dumb niggas who I'm ACTUALLY supposed to kill gotta do they thang and come in!!

Hammy gets out a gun.

Hammy- Get the gun out of his face... and nobody gets hurt.

BM- Well you drop the gun... or else.

Hammy- Or else what?

BM- Or...uh... I'll kill your little hoe here!

BM drags out Heather as Hammy looks on in shock.

RJ- HEATHER???!!! You're part of all this trouble... WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR DAD???!!!

Heather- He's still "dead" after when he first saw Hammy like this.

Hammy- Oh man... Hey look! A rabbit's over there callin you a bitch!

BM- WHERE???!!! COME ON OUT, NIGGA!!! SHOW YOURSELF!!!

Hammy- HEATHER, RUN!!!!!!

Heather runs for her life. And then BM and Hammy start fighting, then (for an unknown reason) Tiger appears.

Tiger- Well, I see Hammy is fighting off a rat. And since Stella is too sick to fight... I SHALL FIGHT FOR HER!!!!

Tiger charges BM.

Tiger- I'M GOING TO GO HULK HOGAN ON YOU, BITCH!!!!!

The fight gets EXTRA violent. As the gun was laying freely on the ground. Hammy and Tiger kicked BM to the floor... Making him close to the gun. He grabbed it and pulled the trigger.

BAM!!!!

RJ- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

The gun had shot... Hammy.

**What happens? Is he dead? Is he faking? Does BM go to jail for murder? Does BM get killed in revenge? But the big question remains... Is Hammy dead?**

**(Impesronating "Terminator") I'll be back... soon. (Ends impersonation) Review before my final chapter.**


	5. Say RIP to Hammy?

**Hey guys. I'm back! Sorry about the long wait. You know, with Spring Break, California, Hollywood, Warner Bros., Norbit, Wild Hogs, Disneyland, my birthday, and all that. Anyway, enjoy!**

RJ- Hammy! No!

Bo$$ Man- What'cha gonna do now, bitch? I shot yo little nutcracker. What you gon' do about it... Mr. Bitchy?

RJ- You...son...of...a...BITCH!!!!!!!

RJ charged and beat the fuck Bo$$ Man.

Tiger- You want me to finish him? I've watched a lot of WWE lately!

RJ- No. He's through.

RJ then ran towards Hammy... and then cried.

RJ- (sniff) I never thought I'd see the day. I knew you would die WAY later, but not too soon, and not like this.

Verne- Yeah, yeah. Do you want me to call for funeral insurance?

RJ- SHUT UP, YOU HEARTLESS BITCH!! BEFORE I TAKE THAT DAMN SHELL, AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!!!!!!

Verne backed away as RJ continued crying. Then, a cookie rolled out of Hammy's coat pocket. And Hammy opened one eye. Then, with a so-called "inch of his life", took it, put it in his mouth, chewed it, and aimed at RJ (who is still crying and has no idea what is going on), and "PPPPPPPHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" spit it right in his face. After RJ cleared his face, he saw Hammy jumping around laughing.

Hammy- GOTCHA!!!!!!

RJ- Ham-- Hammy? You're alive?

Verne (the heartless bitch)- Oh, come on! I thought you got shot and were gone for good.

Hammy hold up his cookie chain, which has a bullet in it. Meaning that the chain shielded Hammy. Meaning Hammy faked being dead.

RJ- You are alive! YES!!

RJ jumped with joy and hugged Hammy.

Hammy takes off his thug clothes.

Hammy- And RJ, I'm kinda through being a gangster. I just love the way I am.

RJ- I'm glad you learned something, Hammy. I'm glad.

Bo$$ Man (all brusied and bloody) looks at the audience reading this story.

Bo$$ Man- Happy family moments. Kinda make you sick, don't it?

Verne- I'm with you on that.

RJ- Hey, is he still alive?

Hammy- And Verne's with him! GET THEM!!!!!!

Bo$$ Man and Verne run for their lives as Hammy, RJ, and Tiger charge towards them. Meanwhile, in the log, Ozzy wakes up.

Ozzy- (yawn) What I miss?

Bo$$ Man- THE WHOLE FUCKIN' STORY, FOOL!!!!

Ozzy, shocked by Bo$$ Man's size, faints again.

Verne- How long do we have to keep running?

Bo$$ Man- Until we lose them! UNTIL WE LOSE THEM, YOU GREEN CRACKER!!!!!

RJ- Come here!

Hammy- If I find your nuts, I'll bite them!

Tiger- I'M NOT THROUGH WITH YOU, BITCH!!!!!

**Well, there you have it! I was originally gonna kill Hammy, but now that you think about it, a lot of people would be so fucking pissed at me. I might kill him in another story and take the flames. What story? You never know.. When? You never know...**

**Anyway, The End!**


End file.
